"Do tampons come in anything bigger than SUPER PLUS size?" asks Rissa.
"I didn't even know they came in a SUPER PLUS size..." I answer.
I only pick up Rissa-sized things. Having fully converted to the Diva Cup a while ago - I haven't purchased tampons for me in so long. I do my best to recall the Shoppers Drug Mart Feminine Hygiene shelves: lite, regular and super... you know that box, with all three sizes all together - purple, yellow and green... IS there a SUPER PLUS? What colour is it? I'm thinking about how much cotton would comprise something bigger than a SUPER PLUS tampon and the logistics of said tampon's insertion for a woman who hasn't given birth yet.
"Really? There's a SUPER PLUS? You're not just making that up?"
"Nope. They're orange."
"Huh... Okay then. SUPER SPECTACULAR PLUS size?" I suggest, with accompanying jazz hands. I'm already envisioning a 30 foot high marquee celebrating them. I feel it warrants song.
"SU-PER SPEC-TAC-U-LAR PLUUUUUUUUUUUS!!!"
"WHEN THE PLUS - JUST AIN'T ENOUGH
AND YOU NEED MOOOOOORE...
HEAD DOWN THE STREET - MOVE YOUR FEET
GET TO THAT STOOOOOORE
YOUR MENSES - WILL BE RELIEVED
PROTECTION - SURELY ACHIEVED
ALMOST A PLEASURE NOW TO BLEEEEEEEEEEED...
SU-PER SPEC-TAC-U-LAR PLUUUUUUUUUUUS!!!
(Now with added SPARKLE and PIZZAZZ!!!)