Wednesday, May 16, 2018

When Cats ATTACK!

THE CHARACTERS
Steve  - An orange Tom cat - goofy, playful, more than a little             bit dumb

Lola   - A very petite black cat - nervous, silly, terrified if you           pick her up.

Minuit - A rotund, older black cat - crotchety, belligerent, sounds           like Edward G. Robinson

Heather & David - unsuspecting humans

***

INT. KITCHEN


STEVE
Hey guys! Guys! there's a cat in 
our back yard. Hey GUYS!!

LOLA
 Hmmmm?
(goes back to licking her stomach bald)

MINUIT
 "M...YEAH."

STEVE
Seriously, guys! Super cute cat in
the backyard - she's black and white
and kind of stripey...


LOLA sneaks a peek over STEVE'S shoulder at the window. She sees the outdoor cat, then looks at STEVE


LOLA
WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?!?


STEVE
 Hunh?

LOLA (hissing) 
WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?!?
HOW DID YOU GET IN MY HOUSE?!?

STEVE
Lola, it's me - Steve - your brother.

LOLA
(growling and hissing at Steve)
GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!!! 
HOME INVASION!!!  THERE'S A HOME 
INVASION HAPPENING RIGHT THE FUCK NOW!!!

LOLA hits STEVE on the head several times and runs away.






MINUIT
(now growling and hissing at Lola)
WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?!?


STEVE
Hey guys?  Guys?

MINUIT & LOLA
HOME INVADER!!!!

Lola runs up the stairs, followed closely by a snarling, unexpectedly-nimble Minuit.

INT. HUMAN'S BEDROOM

MINUIT 
WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?!?

LOLA
I'm your sister!

MINUIT
I'VE NEVER SEEN YOU IN MY 
FUCKING LIFE!!!

LOLA
 
(hiding under the bed)
Minuit, I'm your sister! 

MINUIT
GET OUT OF MY FUCKING HOUSE!! 
GET OUT!!!

HEATHER & DAVID
 (startled out of deep sleep)
What the fuck?

MINUIT
HOME INVADER!!!

LOLA
YOU'RE THE FUCKING HOME INVADER!!! 

STEVE
Hey guys! Guys? GUYS. It's all good.
We're good here.

MINUIT & LOLA
HOME INVADER!!!!

HEATHER
Minuit - STOP IT!!! Lola - get out from 
under the bed - jump up on something high. She can't
 follow you if you're up on something high
Minuit! It's Lola. Steve, just stay 
out of their way.


Snarling and hissing, all three cats leave the room.

DAVID
What just happened?


INT. CAT THERAPIST'S OFFICE

STEVE
It was like I was Captain America and they 
were both Bucky. They didn't know me. They 
could see me, but they didn't know me.











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