We are in the Men's Outerwear department at Sears. (David has finally abandoned his attempts to zip up his existing jacket with an XL paper clip.)
"This one. This one is good." David holds up a long, black parka.
"You haven't tried it on yet."
"Yes, but it LOOKS good. Good hood, good pockets..." David shows me the faux fur styling around the parka's hood - reveals the inside coat pockets - the extra long, 'these'll make it very warm,' cuffs.
He puts the down-filled parka on. "OH YEAH. This is good." He zips... he attempts... to zip it up.
"I got too excited." He struggles to get the zipper back down. "It's all good." He flourishes his hand and zips again. Again, the zipper gets caught. That's when I start handing him other coat options.
He looks longingly at the first parka. I shake my head. "Dude. I know that it has everything you need - but you've gotten the zipper stuck both times you've tried - you are not the most patient of zipper-ers... This will become a thing. You will hate this zipper."
He sighs and tries on the second coat. "No - too baggy in the waist."
"It's got this tightening thingie, right here..."
"That's just for the bottom to keep snow out," he scoffs. "My waist, THIS waist," he now points to his belly button, "will get too cold in that coat."
I hand him another coat.
"Ugh. NO!" He moves his chin back and forth. "Scratchy. Too scratchy."
"But what about the rest of the coat?" I look for inside pockets and check the arm length.
"Doesn't matter - it's too scratchy - that can't be fixed."
"Unless you wear a scarf..."
"Sure, if you want to be logical about it."
*SIX COATS LATER*
"Okay, then - THIS one." I hand him a parka with a working zipper.
"Yeah, it'll do..." he looks longingly at the first 'perfect' parka.
"I know hon, I know... but the zipper would drive you to madness..."
"Yeah... sigh. Now we'll just check out Mark's Work Warehouse to see if the prices are any better."
"You tell me I should comparison shop..."
He's right. I do.
We leave the big mall and head to Mark's Work Warehouse across the street.
He circles the outerwear dept. "Nope. Nothing here in my size."
I hand him a medium-sized ski jacket with a hood. "What about this?"
"Ugh. No. (shudder) Too colourful." (The jacket is forest green and navy blue.)
"Bad hood... Look at it. All floppy - no warmth! Nope there is NOTHING here. I'll get the other one at Sears."
"The one with the working zipper, right?"
He pauses, hangs his head. "Yes."