Monday, March 9, 2015
If I were a dude, would I be a douche?
"Rissa, if I were a dude, would I be a douche?" I ask - brushing through my hair after my morning shower.
"If I was a guy, do you think that I'd be the type of guy who'd be kind of douchey?"
"Other parents don't ask these questions."
"I just had this thought, is all."
"Imagining that you were a dude?"
"David!" I call out into the hall. "If I were a dude, would I be a douche?"
"What did you just ask?" He stops in the doorway.
"If I were a guy, would I be the kind of douchey guy who'd want to sleep with as many women as he could? You know, leaving behind me a wake of broken hearts?"
"Are you that kind of woman now?"
"Well, no... but I do have a pretty high libido, so I'm thinking if I were a guy..."
"THANK YOU!" says Rissa. "Seriously, NO other parents talk like this."
"Are we still married?" asks David.
"Well, no...I don't think so. Would you then be gay? Would I be gay? I think I'm just some unmarried dude, possibly unable to commit, who digs chicks."
"Do you think that your personality would completely alter if you were a guy?"
"I don't know, that's why I'm asking. If I was a somewhat attractive dude, who knew that he was attractive, and women were falling all over themselves to be with me, would I let it go to my head and make my way through as many of those women as possible?"
"Okay. Good. Thanks."
"Glad I could clear that up for you."