#Taxespayforthisshit

It may be my inner Scandinavian talking, but if the government of Ontario needs more money for Education and Healthcare? I'm prepared to pay a little bit more in taxes to help. Because I'm pretty sure that's what taxes are actually supposed to do. Pay for MRIs and ensure lower class sizes and shorter wait times in ERs and all that other "common good" shit.

Hey! I know! Seeing as Ontario is in a $13.5 billion deficit - if the 7.5 million people in the workforce all paid $1,800 more in taxes - we'd be out of debt. In one tax season. It can't be that easy, can it? This can't possibly be like CPA Murray Blum (Charles Grodin) going in to visit President look-alike Dave Kovic (Kevin Kline) in Dave to find $650,000,000 for social programs in the Federal budget and he does. Can it?

Sure, it's not PC to suggest that we should actually raise taxes, but what if we ACTUALLY did? And what if education and health care then ACTUALLY improved? And what if we then had educated and healthy Ontarians as far as the eye could see? And we'd all be like, "That's right you non-tax-paying sons of bitches! Our higher taxes made us smarter AND healthier!!"

I recognize that not everyone can afford to pay that much more in taxes, but maybe those who can pay a little bit more, say with the tax refund they get back from the Feds, could offer to DO that, which would in turn, make it feasible for those with less of a tax refund to pay a little bit less in their taxes.

And if we maybe acknowledge the fact that PAYING taxes allows us ACCESS to public education and health care and if we maybe didn't expect all those services for FREE - we the people wouldn't have to rant so much on social media and stage walk outs and protest at Queen Park.

But that might just be me. #taxespayforthisshit

Watch out for the permanent intergalactic concrete.

Did you know that to get new countertops you have to purchase entirely new base cabinets upon which you can place said countertops? It doesn't seem logical to me. I mean, when you've got cabinets...

...FUNCTIONING... underneath the countertops, surely I can remove the existing countertops, attach the new ones, et voilà! BRAND NEW KITCHEN!!! 

Now perhaps you are asking yourself why those charming 4 x 4 tile countertops need to be removed in the first place.  Let's go macro for a second...

That's not dirty grout. That is grout that has been cleaned, nay bleached, repeatedly. You could eat off those countertops - they just look like shit. The grout is so old and discoloured that it needs to be painted quarterly in advance of any public gathering that we host. And yeah, after I paint the grout, it doesn't look that bad apart from the cracked tiles. But the fact that you can't fucking wipe crumbs off the counters because they get stuck in the multiple layers of grout paint over top of the grout has made me mental ever since we bought the house.

Smooth countertops. That's all I want. I want to be able to actually wipe them - not have to use a Shop-Vac on them. I want countertops that are not only clean, but that look clean. And I have wanted this for the past 5 years. So this is the year. This is the year that we update our kitchen by changing those fucking countertops. 

This is our plan. Unbeknownst to us, this plan of action only works if your countertops aren't tile. 

Oh sure, you might think that you'll be able to salvage the existing cabinets and you... are adorable. Because when it comes down to removing those countertops, you realize that the fuckers who installed the tile countertops, screwed the backing board from the top down and the only way to get to those screws, is to remove the tiles, which is pretty fucking much impossible because they've been adhered using what must be permanent intergalactic concrete. 

But you try. You sure do try to pry those rat bastards away from their backing board. You chisel, you hammer, you pry bar, you thank God you are wearing safety goggles when tiny shards of tile ping off the goggles instead of piercing your corneas.

Can you get a full tile off? NO, you cannot. Can you get to any screws? One. You can get to a single fucking screw. Can you unscrew it? NO. It is filled in with permanent intergalactic concrete. 

This is when you realize that the only way you'll be able to remove those countertops is if you buy special diamond-encrusted blades for three types of saws (jig, circular and sabre) to cut through the tile, its permanent intergalactic concrete adhered backing board, the screws attaching the board to the top of the cabinet and the top of the cabinet. Somewhere in the midst of this adventure, you also come to the realization that it is ridiculous to think that 'salvage' has ever been an option, when the 'cabinets' are held together like this:

This is my kitchen cabinet to the left of my stove.
This is what we found when we took out the drawers
and pried off the molding.

What even IS this? Why are there 1x6s
on end between the two 'cabinets'? Are these shims?

There are no tops to these cabinets. There are no bottoms to these cabinets. They have been built in place using spare wood to make 'sides' with enough nails to make crucifiers jealous.

In our excavation I found a weapon I can use
when I fight in Game of Thrones.

So you use your diamond encrusted blades and cut through those tile countertops... like hot knives through very, very, very hard, screaming butter. Without the countertops the cabinets below pretty much give up and collapse. In a few short hours, 7 base cabinets are decimated. You move them all into the backyard, where they shall sit under the pergola until spring arrives. 

And then you sit down, with a large scotch and your laptop, and you order new cabinets from IKEA. 

Baby It's Banned Outside...

Baby, It's Cold Outside won't be played on some radio stations, including CBC - CBC News

Is Baby It's Cold Outside an ode to rape that deserves its sudden banishment from Canadian radio? - National Post

'Baby, It's Cold Outside' Banned From Canadian Radio Stations, Too - HuffPost Canada

December 2018 - "Baby It's Cold Outside" is being banned from the radio waves left, right and centre - okay probably not from the right, but left and centre most definitely. Frank Loesser crafted his 1944 call & response song as a fun party piece to perform with his wife who thought the song was a gas to sing and was distraught when Loesser sold its rights to be used in the film Neptune's Daughter. If you've been living under a rock and don't know the plot... a "Wolf" (usually voiced by a male singer), tries to convince a "Mouse" (usually voiced  by a female singer) to stay the night or at the very least get to 1st base and maybe steal 2nd. (See lyrics at the bottom of this post.)

Yeah, when taken in a modern context, a couple of phrases read questionably. "Say what's in this drink?" and the 'aggressor's' continued pushing after she says "The answer is no," take on a whole new flavour in the MeToo era. Thing is? I can almost guarantee that Loesser didn't write this song about slipping the girl a Mickey Finn and wasn't intent on promoting date rape. When you contextualize the song given the time period, it is truly less about a guy strong-arming a girl into putting out, and WAY more about a girl worried about how her reputation will fare if she does. When sung well, (apart from the juxtaposition of those two lines) by a couple who obviously have the hots for one another (either with a man in the so-called 'power' position or with the woman in that role), the song should read as clever and flirtatious.

That said, last night when I watched Ricardo Montalban man-handle Esther Williams in this clip  from Neptune's Daughter, it creeped me the hell out. The pair don't really have any chemistry and I can almost feel the bruises on ol' Esther's arms after the choreography. But keep watching, because seeing Betty Garrett and Red Skelton do the role reversal is incredibly charming and very slap-stick. Double standard? Yep, you betcha.

I would love to say that sexual mores have changed a lot over the past 74 years. They haven't. Women continue to be shamed for proclaiming any sexual inclination, unmarried or otherwise. The song is rife with sexism - but the overtone of persuasive sexual advances is much less offensive to me than the expectations of female behaviour.  Why does she care what her mother, father, sister, brother, maiden aunt and neighbours think? What business is it of theirs if she is having consensual sex with someone?

All the mouse's waffling in the song - and there is soooooo much of it - seems to come from a fear of owning the fact that she wants to stay: "Well maybe just a half a drink more," "I ought to say, no, no, no..." "At least I'm gonna say that I tried," "Well maybe just a cigarette more." When one reads into every nuance of this ditty (and that's what we're supposed to be doing now), it becomes fairly apparent that somewhere between verses 3 and 4 the couple has had sex or at least a near facsimile thereof. She's asking for a comb to fix her state of disarray. I don't know about anyone else, but when I'm truly rumpled, it's from more than 1st base. I might have wrestled a bit before hand, 'cause I get off on that. And maybe this girl does too.

Apart from those two problematic lines, I dig the song.

But maybe I shouldn't. If this 1944 holiday song was filled with allusions to minstrel shows or outdated referrals to northern peoples - we wouldn't be having this discussion. The song would already be banned. But because it's garden variety sexism and sexism continues to cloud the lens through which we view the world, maybe I'm only a slightly more 'woke' version of women the generation before me who say "Aw c'mon - boys will be boys." Should I be more offended? By allowing this duet to play on public radio will it continue a pattern of sexual coercion and shame?

What I want is to have a dance company take multiple versions of the song and choreograph them to show the difference between flirtation and assault. I want a dozen covers showing exactly how charming and how uncomfortable it can be.

They can start with Pearl Bailey and Hot Lips Page's version.  It's just about perfect and Pearl is definitely the driver - in the Mouse role.

I really can't stay (Baby it's cold outside)
I gotta go away (Baby it's cold outside)
This evening has been (Been hoping that you'd dropped in)
So very nice (I'll hold your hands they're just like ice)
My mother will start to worry (Beautiful what's your hurry?)
My father will be pacing the floor (Listen to the fireplace roar)
So really I'd better scurry (Beautiful please don't hurry)
Well maybe just a half a drink more (I'll put some records on while I pour)

The neighbors might think (Baby it's bad out there)
Say what's in this drink? (No cabs to be had out there)
I wish I knew how (Your eyes are like starlight now)
To break this spell (I'll take your hat, your hair looks swell) (Why thank you)
I ought to say no, no, no sir (Mind if move in closer?)
At least I'm gonna say that I tried (What's the sense of hurtin' my pride?)
I really can't stay (Baby don't hold out)
Baby it's cold outside

I simply must go (Baby it's cold outside)
The answer is no (But baby it's cold outside)
The welcome has been (How lucky that you dropped in)
So nice and warm (Look out the window at that storm)
My sister will be suspicious (Gosh your lips look delicious!)
My brother will be there at the door (Waves upon a tropical shore)
My maiden aunt's mind is vicious (Gosh your lips are delicious!)
Well maybe just a cigarette more (Never such a blizzard before) (And I don't even smoke)

I've got to get home (Baby you'll freeze out there)
Say lend me a comb? (It's up to your knees out there!)
You've really been grand, (I feel when I touch your hand)
But don't you see? (How can you do this thing to me?)
There's bound to be talk tomorrow (Think of my life long sorrow!)
At least there will be plenty implied (If you caught pneumonia and died!)
I really can't stay (Get over that old out)
Baby it's cold
Baby it's cold outside!

FRANK LOESSER 1944