Weapon of Choice

I'm over there on the left...

I am in stress-containment mode. Not for me, but for the other people in my house.  The daughter.  The husband.  When did I become the sane one?

As the parent of a 12 year-old daughter, there are certain instances when you find yourself treading very carefully.  Last Thursday Rissa was in tears before heading off to school.  "I can't go to school today!  I can't!" she wailed. Now for most parents, this phrase would be a common one, but Rissa NEVER opts for missing school.  NEVER.  She can be hacking up a freaking lung and have a fever of 104 and she will say, "Mummy, I can't miss school.  I'll have homework."   So last Thursday when she was weeping and saying that she couldn't go - I was momentarily at a loss.  She had a kink her neck, was in pain and obviously over-emotional... so I did what every understanding mother does... I gave her drugs and sent her on her way.  Then on Friday I took her to the chiropractor.

More than a little bit of 'crazy eye' going on here!

Saturday, David and I got into a fight.  A really big one.  And the thing is?   David and I DON'T fight. In the almost 16 years of our acquaintance we have fought maybe 6 times.  It started off with me asking if we could get a lazy susan and ended up with me leaving the kitchen so that I wouldn't bludgeon him with a frying pan.

 "I'M GOING OUT!!!"

Then, I jogged.  And I am NOT a jogger.  I really don't have the stamina, it gives me shin splints and jogging for a person who suffers from angina is just stupid.  But there I was JOGGING.  (I'd put on two sports bras - 'cause I KNEW that I was going to run when I left the house - I was THAT mad.)

You see, David had questioned my budgeting.  He made a disparaging remark about my fiscal responsibility. And instead of realizing that David is really stressed right now with a whole shitload of extra crap on his already full plate of responsibilities - instead of talking him down logically,  I got mad.  I yelled even.  And I'm not a yeller.  You know why I yelled?   Because I'M the one who PAYS all the bills and ORGANIZES our taxes and DOES the automatic transfers every month so that when December comes around and we have to pay our house insurance we HAVE that money ready. I freaking rock at budgeting!!  I am a budgeting goddess!!  Hence my being pissed.  REALLY REALLY PISSED.  And that's why I felt the need to run.

Well, I'm just not going to go home!  I'll stay away ALL freaking afternoon and he won't know where I am and then he can just STEW in his worry.  See how he likes that!  

I'll grab the next train out of here!  That's what I'll do!   I'll go to Toronto and stay at the... I'll stay at the... the freaking Royal York Hotel and order lots and lots of room service!!!  He wants fiscal irresponsibility?  I'll show him fiscal irresponsibility!!   OH FOR THE LOVE OF... I don't have my wallet!

Look!  A squirrel!  Bet that squirrel wouldn't accuse me of mis-managing funds!  (now sobbing on the sidewalk with said squirrel patting my knee in sympathy)

Why isn't he driving after me to apologise?  Why is EVERY car NOT our car coming after to me to tell me how sorry he is for being an asshole?!? Why is he NOT taking advantage of this romantic-comedy, conflict resolution moment?

Good thing it's sunny outside.  At least it's nice weather!  Look!  Butterflies!  I love butterflies!  They're on their way to Mexico.  That's where I'll go!  MEXICO!!! 

I will just walk right into the lake.  That's what I'll do.  Fully dressed.  And then I'll catch hypo-thermia and see how he likes THAT!!  Then he'll be sorry. 

OW!! OW!! OW!!!  MY FREAKING CHEST HURTS!!  STUPID FREAKING ANGINA!!!  (slowing my pace to a walk)

Oh hey! Look, kite surfers!!  David LOVES kite surfers!  I should go home and tell him... (scowl)  NO! I'm not even going to tell him that they are down here!  I'll just horde all the kite surfing joy myself!  He'll never know that there were kite surfers here!  NEVER!!! 

After an hour, I managed to calm down.  Then I walked home and told David, "Come on - we're going down to the lake.  I want to show you something."  Then the two of sat and watched the kite surfers playing in the waves and we talked.   'Cause we made vows.  And a couple of them were this:

"I promise to talk to you, especially when it's difficult."
"I promise to listen to you, especially when it's difficult."

And you have to decide, are you going to keep promises or break them?