Friday, November 14, 2014

I now understand the zip-up, floral, velour nightie/housecoat/muumuu...

You see them in the lingerie departments of the Bay.  You see them in the Sears catalogue.  You have memories of your Gran or your Great-Gran wearing one.  You think to yourself: I will never wear one of those. 

I'm shopping for one.

I used to sleep naked.  I used to revel in my naked slumber.  Since the night sweats began, nakedness is not an option.  I'm the peri-menopausal Karate Kid.

Blankets ON!  

Blankets OFF!

Blankets on one leg and half your torso!

Blankets OFF!

Blankets only on your legs!

Blankets only on your torso!  

Blankets OFF!!!

In between fits of thermo-nuclear heat - you get chilled.  You cannot revel in nakedness...   your teeth chatter as your sweat cools.

The other night I was in my striped, zip-up onesie.  Night sweats came and I UN-ZIPPED.  No hems to raise or lower - no pajama tops to tear off, then hunt for on the floor when I got cold.  Getting my arms out of the fairly snug onesie did rouse me a bit from sleep, but the zipper - that zipper - EPIPHANIC!!!

This is why older women wear the zip-up nighties/housecoats/muumuus!  The zipper is key!!  No buttons, no hems, no snaps that you then have to struggle to re-snap after a hot flash!!!  It's all about the zipper!!!  You're hot?  You unzip!!  You're really hot?  You unzip and take your arms out!!!  It's perfect. 

I propose going that one step further.  Muumuu-sized onesies with a little more give in the arm/shoulder area.  Then the on/off functionality of a regular zip-up onesie gives you the freedom to extract yourself from any arm covering.  Wait, that doesn't allow for the women whose legs get hot...  AH-HAH!!!  If we create a zip-up slanket...  or a poncho... I make a zip-up, velour poncho!!!  Which is... basically a muumuu... 

Annnnd.... I've turned into my Grandmothers.  No worries!  It took until my generation to update maternity wear - to make it fun and sexy...  Now my generation will conquer night sweat attire.  I'll start a design collective to create  a modern take on the zip-up, velour muumuu. The ÜNÜÜ!!!!!  

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