"You are ridiculous."
"I can't help it."
We're watching The Good Wife. Finn Polmar has just flirted with Alicia Florrick. I feel it would be bad form to beg to rewind the scene... right away... with David beside me. I'll wait until the episode is over.
I'm such a cheap turn on. I remember way back, watching Chocolat on VHS, listening to Johnny Depp say, "I'll come round some time and get that squeak out of your door." The look on his face as he watches Juliette Binoche walk away? I almost broke the tape rewinding it. So much better than porn.
( 1:50 is where I lost my mind.)
Then there's the film version of Pride and Prejudice with Kiera Knightly and Matthew Macfadyen where Mr. Darcy helps Elizabeth into a carriage and then there's a close up of his fingers... and he FLEXES them.... because he's so affected by just TOUCHING her!!! Those 5 seconds make me hyperventilate.
And before the Colin Firth fans get their knickers in a twist... yes, the pond scene in the Pride and Prejudice miniseries... That's just a given. The whole series, for that matter, acts as foreplay. 6 hours of Austen foreplay is always better than 2 hours and 9 minutes. David is guaranteed sex after I've watched anything Austen.
Back in the present, Rissa comes in to say that she's going to bed.
"WAIT!! Watch this with me!"
David rolls his eyes and leaves the room.
I sit on the edge of my seat as Rissa first watches the inital scene with Alicia and Finn when they make the rules about what sort of interaction they should have, and then, despite their best efforts, they end up at the diner on a date-date and he says "I can't say anything...." and does this shruggy-glancy thing.
"Do you SEE?!?"
Rissa looks at me like I'm nuts.
"I think I need more context."
As I ready myself for bed, I finally understand why the fan videos pop up. I want to have every interaction that Alicia and Finn have ever had and edit them all together so that I can get a hit whenever I need it.
And, if I want to wallow, nay revel, in masculine edibles, I can fantasize about the other men on the show, 'cause it's not just Matthew Goode this season. Taye Diggs has been added to the firm, plus there's campaign manager, Stephen Pasquale - and let us not forget Matt Czuchry as Cary Agos - who, I'm sure would never be able carry me Rhett Butler style up a ginormous staircase, but still has a voice that sounds like he's talking dirty all the time.
"You're fantasizing about them right now, aren't you?" asks David.
I find myself startled. "Well, I mean... COME ON... I could have Finn, Dean and Johnny all... um... massaging me, with Cary whispering dirty nothings in my ear the whole time."
"You know some men might be worried about their wives showing such preference for fictitious characters."
"I have no problem if you imagine Drew Barrymore, Angelina Jolie, Kirsten Dunst and Emma Stone all together." I pause. "Wait, give me a sec... that would probably work for me too."