It might take a village to raise a child, but God forbid if you
actually attempt it in North America.
Parenting in the new Millennium
seems to have taken on the Three Monkeys approach: See no evil, hear no evil,
speak no evil.
Parents have become myopic
helicopters hovering over their children's playgrounds, test scores and job
interviews. The result? You can't swing a selfie-stick without hitting an
entitled, self-serving Millennial or Gen Zer who is in no way ready for the
real world. Basically our generation is fucking over our children's generation - all in the name of supportive parental love.
I never thought I'd become that vintage
dinosaur. "Back in the day..." if any of my
parents' friends saw me fucking up, I'd get called out on it and after I took
that deserved tongue lashing, I'd get to tell my parents what I'd done. Now?
Our village is more apt to speak up about strangers' kids than friends' kids.
When a child's safety is in question? Folks mobilize. That kid left in the
backseat - the child teetering on the edge of the sea wall? Emergency Services
are called and the parents are virally shamed. But with friends' kids? When their kid is behaving abominably, when they themselves are sucking at their job?
Surreptitious, eye-rolling silence. You don't mess with
other people's parenting. It's the unspoken rule. "Darling, it just isn't done."
Why not? Why can't we tell our
best friend that their kid is a whiny asshole? In the nicest way possible, of
course. Why aren't we speaking up? Why do we not call out our friends' bad parenting choices - when
they allow their 7 year old to take them hostage because they don't want to
cause a public scene? When they do their kid's homework so that little Morgan gets her 'A.'
Isn't it our job as parents to
raise contributing and functional members of society? Can't we help each other
do that? We're not supposed to be their best friends, we're supposed to teach
them not to be dicks. For every autonomous young adult, it seems as if there
are three more absolute dicks beside them.
So, no, your kid doesn't get a
ribbon just for showing up. Mediocrity isn't something that should be
celebrated. Having a cell phone active in class is not a requirement. Your kid is in school, learning - if it's an emergency the office will contact her! Didn't you see Ferris
Bueller's Day Off? Please don't call to negotiate with potential bosses
when your kid fails at a job interview. You're ensuring that they will NEVER be
considered for employment. Don't text your 19 year old every
five minutes while they are at their summer job - they are fully capable of
putting in a full day's work without communicating with you.
Kids need to fail to thrive.
They really do. Failure will help them learn. They need to be able to regroup
on their own. Allow them the opportunity to make mistakes in safe ways, like
not studying for a quiz and roiling in the "12% OF MY FINAL GRADE!" panic when they get that D+. Sure, you can
proofread their essay, but don't rewrite it for them. They can do it. I promise
you. Kids are resilient. They're smart. They can multi-task, plan and figure
shit out. They're the future - please, for the love of all that's holy in the universe - don't fuck it up for all of us.
