Thursday, October 31, 2019


Originally, David wants me to go to our local Community Theatre's Costume Shop and "pick up a black suit that should fit." He is perplexed when I explain that were I to pick out a suit without him there, that the suit would not fit.

"You're going to actually have to try a suit on."

David scowls. He is not a fan of shopping.

"I'm going to have to shop? Alone?"

"Well, if you want to get a cheap suit in time for Halloween, yes, you are going to have to do this alone. You've never bought a suit so this is a good excuse."

"But where do I go?"

"International Clothiers?? Check the mall directory in Oshawa - they'll probably have one."


David enters International Clothiers. There is an elderly couple bickering about the winter jacket that the octogenarian is holding while a teen aged sales associate looks on in bewilderment.

"I don't LIKE this coat!"

"Just try it!"

"Myrtle, I don't like it!"

"It will be be warm!"

"The tag is itchy"

"You haven't put it on yet!"

"The tag will be itchy!"

"We'll cut the tag out!!"

David and the sales associate share a commiserative look before she comes over to ask if she can help. David holds up his phone.

"I would like a suit so that I can look like this." He shows her the photo.

The sales associate looks at the photo, looks at David's face and then looks back at the photo. "Oh my God! You could totally be John Wick!" She gives him a high five.

"Do you have a suit that would work??"

She glances around. "Not really. You'd really have to piece it together." She looks covertly around the store then whispers, "Go to Tip Top Tailors. They should be able to set you up."


The older Italian woman at Tip Top Tailors looks at the photo. She turns away.

"Don't you need to measure me?" he asks.

She looks him up and down. "No."

She pulls out a black suit jacket, matching pants, a black shirt and tie. "Put these on."

"Shouldn't I have another size, just in ca..." He stops talking when she shoots him a deeply offended look.

He comes out of the dressing room in shock. The sales associate has the suggestion of a smile on her face. "Good." She's not asking a question.

"It all fits!"

The sales associate's eyebrows rise. David puts his arms over his head in awe.

"The shirt sleeves are long enough."

"You need a tall shirt."

It is a revelation to David.

As the sales associate is ringing up the purchases, she asks,"You're going to a Halloween party?"

An introvert, David doesn't generally like to prolong conversations.


"Is it a fancy party?"

"Oh yeah!"

"Are you going with a date?"

"Yep! My wife!"

"What's she wearing for her costume?"

Now David is stuck. He is conversing. If he admits that he is actually not going to a fancy party, nor that his wife is coming along to the imaginary party, that he is, in fact, dressing up for his high school where he teaches Communications Technology, it will get awkward.

"Oh... I'm not sure what she'll wear. Something new or her old standby."

"What's the old standby?"

"A mermaid!" he blurts.


"But I have never worn a mermaid costume," I say, slightly dazed, as I gaze upon the glory of my very own John Wick. I am fingering the lapels of his slim-fitting jacket.

"I panicked."


"But I remember you wearing something shimmery and silky and your face was green one year..."

My brows lower as I mentally itemize my various costumes.  "My face was... Do you mean with the blue, satin sheet as a toga and the snakes in my hair? My Medusa costume?"


"How is Medusa anything like a mermaid?"

"If your hair was in the water it would move around sort of like snakes."


"I would like shopping, if shopping could always be this easy, " he says.

"So what you're saying is that you need a no-nonsense, Italian woman as your personal shopper whenever you need clothes?"

"Pretty much."

John Wick (pre beard mascara)