When Cats ATTACK!

THE CHARACTERS
Steve  - An orange Tom cat - goofy, playful, more than a little             bit dumb

Lola   - A very petite black cat - nervous, silly, terrified if you           pick her up.

Minuit - A rotund, older black cat - crotchety, belligerent, sounds           like Edward G. Robinson

Heather & David - unsuspecting humans

***

INT. KITCHEN

STEVE

Hey guys! Guys! there's a cat in 

our back yard. Hey GUYS!!

LOLA

 Hmmmm?
(returns to licking her stomach bald)

MINUIT

 "M...YEAH."

STEVE

Seriously, guys! Super cute cat in
the backyard - she's black and white
and kind of stripey...

LOLA sneaks a peek over STEVE'S shoulder at the window. She sees the outdoor cat, then looks at STEVE

LOLA
WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?!?

STEVE

 Hunh?

LOLA (hissing) 

WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?!?
HOW DID YOU GET IN MY HOUSE?!?

STEVE

Lola, it's me - Steve - your brother.

LOLA
(growling and hissing at Steve)
GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!!! 

HOME INVASION!!!  THERE'S A HOME 

INVASION HAPPENING RIGHT THE FUCK NOW!!!

LOLA hits STEVE on the head several times and runs away.

MINUIT

(now growling and hissing at Lola)

WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?!?

STEVE

Hey guys?  Guys?

MINUIT & LOLA

HOME INVADER!!!!

Lola runs up the stairs, followed closely by a snarling, unexpectedly-nimble Minuit.

INT. HUMAN'S BEDROOM

MINUIT 

WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?!?

LOLA

I'm your sister!

MINUIT

I'VE NEVER SEEN YOU IN MY 

FUCKING LIFE!!!

LOLA
 (hiding under the bed)

Minuit, I'm your sister! 

MINUIT

GET OUT OF MY FUCKING HOUSE!! 

GET OUT!!!

HEATHER & DAVID

 (startled out of deep sleep)
What the fuck?

MINUIT

HOME INVADER!!!

LOLA

YOU'RE THE FUCKING HOME INVADER!!! 

STEVE

Hey guys! Guys? GUYS. It's all good.
We're good here.

MINUIT & LOLA

HOME INVADER!!!!

HEATHER

Minuit - STOP IT!!! Lola - get out from 

under the bed - jump up on something high. She can't

 follow you if you're up on something high. 

Minuit! It's Lola. Steve, just stay 

out of their way.

Snarling and hissing, all three cats leave the room.

DAVID
What just happened?

INT. CAT THERAPIST'S OFFICE

STEVE

It was like I was Captain America and they 

were both Bucky. They didn't know me. They 

could see me, but they didn't know me.